14 March 2016 @ 08:25 pm
[Fire Emblem Revelation] P.1.7 - Chapters 6-12  

This is taken wholesale from Plurk soooo.

People in this:
Axe Tiddies - [personal profile] sarajayechan
Little Princess - me

No I didn't feel like editing the plurk display names.

We start off with this...



Little Princess 9 hours ago
Ooooh we can scout and challenge like in Birthright
I was told that Revelation was in between Birthright and Conquest in terms of difficulty (altho there are two maps where I can grind for exp and gold for Conquest)
LET'S CHALLENGE SOME ASSHOLES
maybe this was not smart since I only have three people lmao
eh. it'll be fine.
okay that was really easy LET'S GO TO CHAPTER SEVEN

Jakob: Everyone hates us rn because we decided to not side with anyone
Azura: Eh it's fine let me take you to a place where no one will find us because anyone who speaks about it dies
Karu: But this is the Bottomless Canyon where Hans killed my babysitter! I mean, my Jagen! ...Gunter. Yes.
Azura: Yes. Exactly.
Karu: But if we jump in...
Azura: Well I am going to ask you to jump.
Karu: Are you crazy?!
Azura: Just a bit.
Jakob: Well if we're going to die we may as well all die together, yes? Hold hands.
Jakob: I mean no one will definitely find us since there's no way to retrieve our bodies and we will be ghosts but I don't think suicide is the answer, Azura--
Azura: Will you let me explain.
Azura: If you trust me, you will jump. Okay? Just trust me. I know what I'm doing.
Azura: And I will tell you everything when we reach the other side.
Jakob: Gods have mercy on us. Especially Karu. She has no idea what she's doing. I take full responsibility!

like in Conquest and Birthright you don't find out about this shit until like chapter 20something
BUT HERE IN CHAPTER SEVEN WE DISCOVER THE OTHER WORLD that isn't the astral plane
One thing I gotta give Intelligent Systems props for: each game is a completely separate game and it's not like Pokemon
where everything is the same save for the people/Pokemon
FUCK YOU HATERS
go jump in the Bottomless Pit

Karu: Well I'm all for jumping into pits that may or may not lead to my doom.
Jakob: Milady are you fucking serious?!

tehsarajaye I feel so bad for Jakob having to deal with me

Karu: I am indeed serious of the "fucking" variety, thank you very much. I trust Azura. If she says we won't die, then I will believe in her.
Azura: Well at least someone here trusts me.
Azura: And to prove you can trust me, I'll jump first. You guys follow.
Karu: I'll be like two secs behind!
Jakob: ...well if milady is going then I need to go too because WHO WILL POUR THE TEA?!
Jakob: After all if Lady Karu said "go kill yourself" I would ask her which weapon she wanted me to disembowel myself with. Mm. Yes. So if she said, "Jakob, jump in this pit!" I will do so.
Karu: JUMP IN THE FUCKING PIT, JAKOB
Jakob: YES MA'AM

OH GOD
IT'S IN FIRST PERSON WHEN YOU FALL
AAAAAAAAAAAA
jumping over the side of a bridge into a seemingly endless void felt...liberating in a really weird way
(I would suggest not doing this if you're suicidal or something.)

Karu: where the fuck am I
Azura: I said you guys would be fine, god, don't you have faith in me?
Karu: u ok Jakob
Jakob: /hyperventilating/ Y-Yes! But are you okay?
Karu: K well the fuck are we?
Azura: This is Valla.
Karu: Well it's certainly had better days I think.
Azura: Valla is responsible for Xander and Ryoma acting like five year olds.
Karu: r u 4 realsies
Azura: Well let's start walking and THEN I will explain or things will not go so well
Azura: /leads everyone to some fucking dark as dicks cave
Azura: As I was saying
Azura: Some asshole by the name of Anankos rules here. Before he came along everything was fine and wonderful. But then he arrived, killed our king, and was a huge dick to everyone.
Karu: So he destroyed this kingdom because he felt like it?
Azura: Pretty much. And he's not done.
Azura: He wants to destroy the whole world basically, just like whatshisface and Grima
Karu: Medeus?
Azura: Yes, thank you.
Azura: And of course if the world is destroyed we're all fucked.
Azura: He's been manipulating King Garon into waging war because he's a major douchebag.
Karu: Well okay then we need to tell everyone so we can kick this guy's ass.
Azura: I'm sorry but that is not possible. You can't mention Valla to anyone outside of here. You will die. That's what happened to my mother, who was the former queen.
Karu: Well that shit's fucked up now isn't it?
Azura: Quite.
Karu: But that makes you a Vallite princess then.
Azura: Yes, yes it does.
Karu: Which means that...
Azura: Yes the man this dickwad killed was my father.
Karu: And you had to flee the country.
Azura: YEp.
Azura: And I couldn't even share my story lest I dissolve and disappear because this land is cursed. Imagine my turmoil.
Azura: This may sound horrible but since you chose this path, now you know exactly how I feel.
Azura: No matter how hard you try to get someone to understand...
Azura: No one listens.

Axe Tiddies
Revelation explains so much shit, lol

Little Princess
Azura: And also you can't tell anyone the truth because you'll die. It really sucks, but that's now also your cross to bear with me.
Karu: Well that's just great.
Azura: oshit there's enemies coming
OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK CHAPTER IS THIS
Sara have you played Revelation?
HAVE YOU GOTTEN TO CHAPTER 7 because wtf is this mess

Axe Tiddies
Not yet
Right now I'm skillgrinding for the kids in Conquest lol
But I intend to at least get my Revelation file made...

Little Princess
okay so apparently if you GO THE WRONG WAY you get teleported back to the start

Axe Tiddies
Like in MarioKart if you keep going the wrong way Lakitu picks you up and turns you around iirc

Little Princess
THIS IS WORSE THAN FOG OF WAR
I am gonna attempt to map this all out
oh hey it's Gunter, means I unlocked the last room to get to the end
but there's a chest around that I need to find
found it
the Fire Emblem wiki makes it sound like this chapter has really hard enemies
but...they aren't.




Here you go
tehsarajaye
for when you get to this chapter
there are some nice things in the chests so I would recommend killing everyone so you can get the keys
the wiki says to use Gunter for the boss but lol I had Gunter with an armorslayer in front of the boss with Azura paired up with him
and then I had Jakob behind him on the fort to range
and Karu killed him next turn
holy fuck she's already level 11
that took 29 turns

Jakob: Oh so you aren't actually dead, old man. I'd like the time I spent grieving over you back pls kthnx
Gunter: Wow you're a dick
I just don't think they get Jakob's sense of humour
Gunter: why the hell are you people here?
Azura: I brought them here. For Reasons.
Gunter: who the fuck are you?!
Azura: I'm a Nohrian princess kidnapped when I was little.
Gunter: oh yes now I remember
Gunter: I'm sorry I suck at protecting people
Azura: you're in Valla btw, it's ruled by a dick who wants to destroy all the things

Axe Tiddies
Thanks, that'll be a big help

Little Princess
Jakob: and if you speak a word of it to anyone you'll dissolve and I won't grieve over you
^^
then you don't have to waste turns on teleports and stuff
they bring you to the last room you were in

Gunter: well okay
Karu: also Hoshido and Nohr are my enemies rn so
Karu: I couldn't make one simple choice
Karu: so uhhh are you my enemy or
Gunter: I may be old but I'm still your retainer
Gunter: sure I'll fight with you
Gunter is probably as badass as Marcus
Gunter: Hans kind of sucks he didn't even scratch me
Karu: Hans said that King Garon ordered your death.
Gunter: yeah well that weirdo doesn't like me very much.
Karu: why?
Gunter: Because he hates Jagens.
Karu: Oh.
Gunter: Also he offered me dragon's blood which requires the utmost fealty to him and it's the highest position I could get. But I'd have to give up my homeland, my wife, and my child.

....wtf can't you S support with Gunter?
UM

Gunter: He was not very understanding of this.

BUT CAN'T YOU S SUPPORT GUNTER, tehsarajaye ?
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS WIFE?!
don't tell me that Garon murdered her ffs

Mage of Valla: gtfo of here you don't belong
Karu: who the eff are you?

Axe Tiddies
Something bad had to have happened if he's marriageable

Little Princess
Mage of Valla: I am a mage of Valla. But since you haven't gtfo I will have to destroy you
OH NO POOR GUNTER I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
NOPE

Azura: My mother told me this poem. "When dawn turns to dusk, and dusk turns to dawn then the door to the Bottomless Pit opens."
Karu: that's not much of a poem

when dawn turns to dusk = when Hoshido turns to Nohr
dusk turns to dawn = Nohr turns to Hoshido

so when Azura and Corrin meet
Valla's door opens
man I'm usually NOT GOOD AT SHIT LIKE THAT but that was really easy

oh idk apparently it has to do with the skies above the pit FUCK YOU I FOUND ANOTHER MEANING

Karu: if we could just get those two assholes to stop fighting and join us this wouldn't be a problem but nooooo
Azura: But how can we convince them when telling the truth will literally dissolve us like baking soda in water?
Karu: We'll have to figure out a way to tell them without telling them.
Karu: since there's a common enemy I think we can all join forces
Azura: let's go back to Hoshido first

r u sure
I mean Takumi doesn't exactly like us

Axe Tiddies
Azura: Everyone! If we don't band together and work as a team, E.L. James will write another 50 Shades spinoff!

Little Princess
Takumi: SUCK MY HOSHIDAN PRINCELY DICK, KARU

Axe Tiddies
Hinoka: oh ffs Takumi stfu don't make me get the spray bottle

Little Princess
so I got Jakob's B support with Karu and Azura and
Jakob: so my parents were dicks and just left me at Castle Krankenburg because they hated each other and felt no love for me
Jakob: so then I dedicated myself to serving Lady Karu to ignore the fact that my parents suck

so I invited Azura to my house

Azura: "You're welcome to see my pendant up close anytime."
um
ummmmmm
uuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm
and now apparently I have enough support points to get B support with Karu and Azura

Azura: I've heard that Nohrians are very cold.
Karu: No, most of them are actually pretty kind-hearted. There are assholes everywhere no matter where you go tho.

let's go get Mozu
I'd like to use her in a playthrough but she comes so weak it's hard to
but she gained two levels in the paralogue so
I had her kill the boss with Gunter

I NOW HAVE FIVE PEOPLE IN MY PARTY WOO
Azura can now use iron weaps
once I build the forge I will make Mozu a better bronze weap

let's level Mozu up in the mean time, I have two challenges I can do
lol Karu is getting 1 exp from these people
welp I can buy Mozu an iron lance or naginata now
Azura and Mozu p much cleared the map themselves with Jakob as healer

Karu: Let's talk to some Hoshidans I'm sure they'll listen to me.
Azura: I hope so.
Gunter: Don't they hate you for not siding with them?
Karu: Probably but if I speak from the heart they'll listen.

Karu: Hi, Yukimura.
Yukimura: How dare you show your face around here, Lady Traitor.
Karu: Wow you're a dick.
Yukimura: oh sorry didn't see Lady Azura there. You're a traitor too.
Karu: If you would just stop for two seconds and listen--
Yukimura: NOPE
Karu: Will you just listen?
Yukimura: Nope!
Yukimura: In fact you're probably responsible for Lord Takumi being captured and Lord Ryoma being missing!
Karu: My brothers are missing?!
Yukimura: Pardon? Your brothers?
Karu: Well yeah I was told they are my family.
Yukimura: HOW DARE YOU CONSIDER THEM FAMILY.
Karu: okay first you were pissed I didn't consider them family now you're pissed that I do?! Make up your minds!
Yukimura: Guards! Capture them!
Karu: oh ffs

oh look Azura and Jakob's a support

Jakob: You know I used to suck at being a butler. They were going to dismiss me, I was so bad. But Lady Karu wanted someone to talk to, so I couldn't just let them turn me out!
Jakob: Now I am the best butler.

uhh Saizo wtf
Kaze fucking do something your brother's fucking lost it

Kaze: if Karu was really a terrible person would she have spared my life and the lives of the soldiers she's fought?
Sakura: My sister is kind-hearted stop this!
Saizo: well okay
Karu: Anyway these events weren't set in motion by Garon. It's someone else. But I can't say who, because it's bad.
Saizo: I think you're making shit up.
Karu: There will come a day when the skies above turn weird colours. And if you need proof of what I am saying, meet me at the bottom of the Bottomless Pit.
Saizo: LOL u cray
Karu: No I just unfortunately can't say more because it's cursed.
Yukimura: Well this was a waste of time.

Sakura: Please take me with you.
Karu: What?
Sakura: I can only heal people but that's better than nothing, right?
Karu: You do realise that by doing this you're betraying Hoshido...right?
Sakura: Yes, but I believe you unlike these people. I don't really know you but that look in your eyes is trustworthy.
Yukimura: Well I can tell your mind is made up since I remember the day you were born. I won't try to stop you because that's useless but...please be careful.
Sakura: I will.
Sakura: Besides, it's phoenix mode, I can't die forever.
Kaze: Yeah I'm gonna go join Karu too.
Saizo: Well whatever I don't care you can be like every other green haired fuck in a Fire Emblem game and betray your liege, it's perfectly fine.
Kaze: ...well technically Lady Karu is my liege and I'm not betraying her but okay, Saizo, let me know when you remove that stick from up your ass.

cool I now have another healer and I have a cool ninja
and by "cool" I mean "hot as fuck"

Axe Tiddies
Sain, Oscar, Lance, Stahl, Alec: HEY D:

Little Princess
SAKURA IS SO MOE JAPANESE WAIFU

Sakura: I...I hope I can help you! /bows deeply
Karu: that's not really necessary but thanks

Cain: See Abel, look at what you did, you fucked it up for everyone!

Karu: Do you hear something?
Sakura: Hmm...
Karu: It sounds like a pegasus.
Sakura: WTF?!
Subaki: Hi! :-D

OH NO I HAVE ALL THESE HOT PEOPLE
Subaki is off limits and Kaze is off limits because I married them elsewhere GDIT

can I have Hana and Sakura marry pls

Karu: Well this is nice and all but who the fuck are you people?
Sakura: These are my retainers, Subaki and Hana. Subaki is the one with the flying pony.

suddenly I went from having two people to like 20

but man I need to pick a husband
idk who I can get in Revelation
I CAN MARRY XANDER IN REVELATION???
I mean I won't
but I could
I should fuck Leo then
but I could also get Odin
but actually I really wanna marry a furry
or should I fuck Takumi???
SO MANY CHOICES

I'm sad that Karu and Azura don't have an A+ support
at least in Revelation, I forget if they have one in Conquest/Birthright

I SHOULD JUST LET HER MARRY WHOEVER but I can't do that

I fucking love Kaze's supports with Karu
Karu: Oh look radishes! We're gonna be having radish stew!
Kaze: This is shit.
Karu: what did radishes ever do to you?!
Kaze: Some woman gave me them after I gave her directions and this isn't the first time I've gotten gifts... I can never figure out why.
Karu: Could it be that women want the D?
Kaze: That's absurd! Who the hell would want my dick?
Karu: Have you ever looked in a mirror
Karu: In fact when I was in town I overheard one of the women saying she wanted you to do her "ninja style".
Kaze: ...I wish you never told me that. Anyway I must be off to do ninja things.
Karu: ...man ninja are totemo sugoi na...

maybe soon I will get a master seal...

okay did two challenges, leveled some people

LET'S INVITE SAKURA OVER WHY NOT

Garon: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Iago: Oh gods, he's having one of his fits again.
Garon: She's still alive and she knows things that she shouldn't know...
Garon: But she'll die eventually. My plan has already started. Don't stop me now! I'm having such a good time, I'm having a baaaall...
Iago: Are you singing Queen again?
Garon: Look, Freddie Mercury was the best okay? Don't judge me.
Elise: Who the hell is Father talking to in there? Is he having one of his fits again?!
Elise: Also why is he talking shit about Karu?
Elise: I need to tell Xander, he'll know what to do!
Camilla: Elise, honey, you shouldn't get involved in this.
Elise: where the fuck did you come from?!
Camilla: There's something wrong with Father.
Elise: Well we knew that.
Camilla: I think he may be possessed by Satan.
Elise: Yes and that puts Karu in danger! We should help!
Camilla: We need to be careful or we'll just hurt her more. As much as I would love to, right now we need to sit back and keep an eye on things...
Camilla: [internally] MY BELOVED DARLING KARU I WILL KILL ANYONE WHO HURTS YOU
Xander: /thinking the same thing tho no one knows it

Karu: how many steps are on the Eternal Staircase?!
Azura: I don't know, but there is a reason they call it what they do...

oh god not this fucker

Axe Tiddies
Leo: I knew something was wrong when he started writing such terrible fanfiction. The father I knew mostly wrote intelligent meta about giant automatons.

Little Princess
Xander: Instead he uses those giant automatons in his terrible fanfiction to do...things.

WHO DO I WANT KARU TO MARRY IN THIS
should I just not care and see what happens

Axe Tiddies
You can marry everyone in Revelation lol
EVEN FUGA

Little Princess
I KNOW BUT LIKE
why would I want that
WHO DO I CHOOSE
whose kids do I want

Axe Tiddies
My vote is for Ryoma because Shiro is really cool, but
MAYBE FLIP A COIN

Little Princess
I would need a 9584395432 sided coin
maybe I should assign each suitor a number
and use a number generator
I got number 39
...which is Leo
well Leo looks like we're gonna be having some threesomes
LEO IT IS
I get him in like 16
17
I suck

Karu: oops I accidentally your people we need to tell the Wind Tribe we fucked up
Tribalist: excuse u hdu beat up our people!
Karu: It was an accident we didn't know they were people.
Tribalist: lol u suck at teh lies fight me br0

Axe Tiddies
YAY LEO

Little Princess
"Reppu Castle" sounds like "Rape Castle"
and that is unfortunate

Axe Tiddies
How did Lifetime get into this game

Little Princess
the chieftain of the wind tribe WE'RE GONNA MEET THE AVATAR?

Fuga: yes hello
Karu: you're the Avatar?
Fuga: why does everyone ask me that?!
Karu: I'm Karu.
Fuga: I'm Fuga and I am NOT this "Avatar". Also I know you want to destroy both kingdoms instead of being a normal person and just picking a side and started with us.
Karu: Um. No. Who said anything about destroying kingdoms? I want to destroy the king of Va--
Azura: Karu! The curse!
Karu: oh fml
Fuga: the king of what?
Karu: The King of the Shadow Realm.
Fuga: have you fucking lost ALL your marbles?!
Fuga: get these nutters out of here
Karu: why does no one believe me gdit
Rinkah: hold on there Avatar
Karu: Rinkah?
Rinkah: I've been looking for you.
Rinkah: Your departure has left quite a mess and even messier rumours about you destroying everything, but I think that's a bunch of rat shit.
Karu: Well at least you have a brain.
Fuga: IS THE FIRE NATION GOING TO ATTACK NOW?!
Rinkah: Well no but I owe Karu for saving my life so I'm gonna fight with her and if you have a problem with that you can bend over so I can put my club up your--
Karu: Rinkah.
Rinkah: If my father weren't dead he would've at least granted Karu an audience because he was a smart and wise man! Aren't you a smart and wise man?!
Fuga: scuse
Fuga: I've heard she's the type to push people into the mud and you're telling me that's not true. I don't believe you, you should think before speaking.
Rinkah: I have you old fart and my whole tribe vouches for her.
Fuga: shut up and fight me!

OH I FUCKING HATE THIS CHAPTER
with the fucking wind gusts
only took 15 turns amazingly

Karu: okay I kicked your ass, will you listen to me now?
Karu: I didn't mean to attack those other guys, we saw them as Faceless for some reason
Fuga: I didn't sense any ill intent.
Karu: so then wtf was this all for
Fuga: anyway I will tell the rest of the tribe that it was an honest mistake, nbd
Karu: k
Fuga: You remind me so much of Sumeragi. I think he'd be proud of you.
Karu: is he even my real dad
Karu: idk who the fuck I'm related to anymore
Fuga: your dad was awesomesauce and we used to fight together all the time. of course now he's dead but you fought well today
Fuga: the Yato chose well and yes I read the script so I know what that is and it's the key to some Seal of Flames thing which is a weapon or some shit??? Anyway it can destroy gods.
Karu: is this like the Sword of Seals
Fuga: idk maybe?
Karu: well if it can topple a god then we can go to [BLEEP] and kick [BLEEP]'s ass.
Azura: indeed
Fuga: go seek out Izana k? he's a nerd he'll know more about the legends and shit
Fuga: so ask him about it but also I will send you someone, his name is Hayato and he's also my son so take good care of him. Toodles!
Karu: but you're like five
Hayato: scuse I am [insert age] which is definitely NOT five! I'm just short for my age is all. You should be HONOURED that I am going with you I could just say no.
Karu: well see I don't really...care if you join or not???
Karu: But I'm glad to have you and god do you have an annoying laugh
Hayato: you can depend on me.
Karu: k good

Karu: and we're off to see the wizard

Izana: HELLO I AM IZANA THE FABULOUS
Karu: oh my god he is the personification of gay stereotype
Izana: I'm so excited I feel OOC!
Karu: o_o;
Hayato: the fuck is wrong with him
Sakura: He's...a special case.
Karu: Special or not we have some questions to ask him.
Izana: oh my gods you have gossip?! Do tell.
Karu: what do you know about the Seal of Flames
Izana: Pfft. Boooooring. Fuck that shit.
Karu: I guess you're not that much of a nerd then
Izana: I do have a feast tho!
Azura: Are you sure you don't know anything about it?
Izana: Nope! I know nothing!
Gunter: Of course you don't, you faker.
Izana: scuse me princess who are you calling a fake?!
Gunter: Don't be coy with me, Adrienne. I asked you several times to get drain cleaner for the Seal of Flames now did you do it
Izana: Stop making references to games no one's ever played!
Gunter: REVEAL YOURSELF
Izana: /flashes
Gunter: not THAT kind of reveal
Izana: Gunter you're SUCH a party pooper! /is actually Zola
Gunter: was that your D I saw or was that...
Zola: no it was Izana's. I am great at my illusions, no?
Azura: Gunter who is this short little man?
Gunter: some Nohrian mage asswipe with the smallest dick in the land. He specialises in making it seem like he has the biggest
Karu: so then where's the real archduke...?
Zola: he's in prison probably getting it up the butt. oh also I have an ice bomb because I'm a dick and so is my liege

oh what the fuck is this
THIS IS LIKE CHAPTER FUCKING SEVEN
/sigh
apparently there's drops with every enemy so I'll just
kill everything like I always do
I should've made a list of all the shit I picked up
also stupid me forgot to bring a healer
good thing this is phoenix mode
my advice would be to break the ice in an area and then kill the enemies there bfore moving to another area
so then you don't get overwhelmed

Zola: LOL you'll never be able to beat me!
Kaze: /crits
Zola: I can't believe you beat me!

took 24 turns to clear the ice and beat everyone, that's not too bad

Karu: okay tell us where the archduke it
Zola: lol no /takes Sakura hostage
Karu: you fuckhole be honourable and not a bitch
Zola: fuck honour the winner writes the history books
Zola: put down your weapons or OH NO WHAT IS THIS FEELING
Karu: that magic
Leo: hi
Leo: hiding behind hostages, no one from Nohr should ever stoop that low, you are a disgrace /pees on Zola's corpse without getting off his horse
Karu: wow he has good aim
Karu: hey thanks for saving my sister, Leo
Leo: ...
Karu: can you pls join us so I can get your S support and marry you and have babies and threesomes every Saturday with Niles?
Karu: anyway I found out some shit since we last met, like the truth behind everything. King Garon is being manipulated by some dickwad.
Leo: how the fuck did you know that?
Karu: look just take my word for it
Leo: well that explains why Father is so weird and has all these strange fits
Karu: yeah I mean he didn't really want to start this whole mess some asshole is pulling the strings
Leo: well okay who is pulling the strings? I want his name so I can pee on his corpse too and laugh
Karu: well that's my problem, I can't name them because it's bad if I do
Leo: I'm not surprised. why did I bother listening to you anyway
Karu: will you just hold on a moment
Leo: you're a traitor okay you can just fuck right off
Karu: BUT I LOVE YOU
Leo: Let me make this crystal clear: You abandoned Nohr. Fuck off. You're no longer my sister. Got it? I was only here to shit on Zola, but I didn't get enough fibre for that, so I pissed on him instead.
Leo: ta ta, kiss kiss and all that, we will meet again
Leo: /uses tome
Karu: "Leo r00lz"? Seriously?!
Azura: are you okay?
Karu: yes, but I don't think Leo is okay in the head atm I mean he broke a door and wrote "Leo r00lz" on Zola's corpse...
Leo: Go get the archduke and stop talking about me pls
Leo: oh yeah and Takumi is in there too, I hope you have a spray bottle handy, he's fiesty.
Karu: wait how did you know we need a spray bottle for him--
Leo: /rides off into the sunset with Niles
Karu: oh ffs--
Sakura: Big sister! All of the hostages are in the banquet hall.
Karu: srs?

Axe Tiddies
Takumi: be nice I has a hairball :-(

Little Princess
Izana: Thank you for rescuing my fabulous self!
Karu: are you the real archduke
Izana: well yeah, who the fuck else would have hair as fab as me?!
Sakura: wow he's even gayer than the imposter.
Izana: y helo thar fair Princess Sakura! I think I saw your brother around somewhere... I think one of the men might be done with him by now.
Sakura: what?
Takumi: /making gagging noises in the next room
Sakura: I'll wait until he's done coughing up a hair ball.
Izana: is that what you kids call it these days?

Sakura: Takumi I'm so happy you're safe!
Takumi: Sakura? ...oh and those other assholes what are you guys doing here?
Sakura: I...may have betrayed Hoshido for Karu.
Takumi: for srs?
Takumi: Ryoma is gonna shit a brick.
Sakura: no one has betrayed anyone! we don't want to fight Hoshido. there's something bigger than Nohr and Hoshido combined working behind the scenes.
Sakura: I don't have all the deets but please will you just trust her already?
Takumi: ...
Sakura: don't make me get the hose
Karu: Takumi...
Takumi: no fuck you

Axe Tiddies
Sakura: Takumi go clean up the hairball you puked up all over the nice clean rug

Little Princess
Takumi: my sister's an idiot to believe you and I'm not an idiot so I won't go along with it!
Karu: you're a real douchebag
Izana: Takumi go join Karu ffs stop being a stubborn twatwaffle
Izana: oh btw the gods told me to tell you that, I had a vision and it was weird but cool! they also tell me to tell you that you got some jizz on your chin there, hon...
Takumi: /wipes it off/ oh my god
Takumi: also I don't think that's how visions work
Izana: who's the prophet here, you or me?
Takumi: /sigh
Izana: don't ignore the gods, that's bad juju
Takuto: How can I side with someone who won't side with us?
Izana: easy, by learning that the world isn't black and white, dumbass
Takuto: I'm happy that she saved us but she's a traitor.
Izana: Sakura, maybe you should get the hose. I'll get the boy butter.

Izana: oh I'm getting more visions, the gods are SUCH chatterboxes today! Princess Karu is totes not your enemy!
Takumi: so then who is?
Karu: I told you, I can't tell you just yet.
Karu: we came here to find out wtf we're supposed to do about this [BLEEP].
Izana: Ah yes the Seal of Flames.
Karu: Go on.
Izana: that's all I have to tell you. I know nothing about it.
Karu: how did you--
Izana: I'm clairvoyant! Haven't you been paying attention?!
Karu: no I'm sorry I'm distracted by your awesome hair
Izana: I can forgive you then
Izana: But it's just like Mama Izana used to say: "We will show she who shuns the light and the dark another way."
Karu: What--
Izana: Have you ever considered yourself as bisexual?
Karu: I...
Azura: is that what that means?
Izana: IDK I'll go put on my face and go convene with the gods and stuffs. BRB.
Karu: Wait. Right now?
Izana: Sure! Why not? Strike while the iron's hot! Carpe...something. Let's just get this over with and don't tell no one but... The ancient gods ain't easy on the eyes, sister.
Azura: I hope he comes back with something useful.
Karu: Me too.
Takumi: /coughing up another hair ball

Izana: /stumbles out/ sorry to keep you all waiting
Karu: omgwtf
Izana: well I spent some time with an ancient god and man are they hard to sate. He said something and even I'm like "gurl wtf?"
Izana: he said "go meet the dragon" and then came on my face.
Izana: even tho I told him not the face! Men. They never listen.
Karu: What dragon?
Izana: beats me! I can barely walk right now so I hope you figure it out so that me being spread eagle was worth it!
Izana: /collapses
Karu: Oh my god an ancient god fucked you to death?!
Izana: eh, nbd, yolo and all that anyway, I always have to do favours for these bastards whenever I want a message
Izana: this one may have torn my asshole literally. I'm currently bleeding to death like Duo Maxwell in that one yaoi fic.
Izana: can you make sure that someone sings about my noble sacrifice? Oh and Takumi...ffs just go with Karu already!
Takumi: But...
Izana: I HAD AN ANCIENT GOD RIP MY ASSHOLE APART FOR THIS
Izana: THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS JOIN KARU and if you don't so help me my gay and fabulous as hell ass will haunt you.

Axe Tiddies
Leo: ...I didn't know the anus had arteries in it. NILES IS NEVER-
Niles: It doesn't. You're smart. You never anatomy-fail and I don't have a knife strapped to my dick.

Little Princess
Takumi: Archduke really?
Izana: does this face look like it's joking, hon? k think it's time for me to die now. buh-bye it's been real, homies
that ancient god had a tentacle dick that basically ripped through his whole body

Karu: why the fuck didn't he tell us that ancient god had a tentacle dick?!
Sakura: /cries/ now I'm scarred for life!
Gunter: I always knew he would die doing what he loved: riding the D train
Karu: well this is all my fault
Takumi: well if you turn back now then his life was a waste wasn't it?
Karu: Takumi...
Takumi: I'll join your party. But only because he died riding a tentacle dick.
Takumi: I-It's not like I believe you or anything...sister.
Karu: OH NOW YOU FINALLY FUCKING ACCEPT ME IT TOOK SOMEONE DYING TO DO THAT
Hinata: well I guess I'll come too, someone has to keep Takumi in line
Oboro: And someone has to pick up his hair balls!
Karu: who the fuck are you people
Hinata: I'm Hinata which makes me sound like a Naruto character doesn't it? I'm one of Takumi's royal babysitters.
Oboro: I'm Oboro. I'm also one of the babysitters.
Oboro: but I would rather not interact with any Nohrians
Karu: okay I'll bench you then because we're gonna see a lot of them I'm sure

Karu: Kaze I'm gonna follow you around and point out how you're a good person.
Kaze: why?
Karu: Because I want you to see the good in you.
Kaze: I'm a terrible person okay leave me alone
Karu: ...
Kaze: I'm sorry I was a dick just now wasn't I?
Karu: No it's my fault. I'm a bother.
Kaze: Wait, Lady Karu! ...dammit.

did a challenge that Subaki p much soloed

Kaze: "You are so talented on the piano, milady. Will you play me something?"
is that innuendo or something

Hana: everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am that I work with that hottie Subaki well I'm tired of it, Subaki!
Subaki: Um...
Hana: I'm sure even Sakura thinks how I do but she's just too polite!
Subaki: Why do you drop the honorific?
Hana: is that really your comeback

lol that's their C support

also got Takumi and Karu's C support
Karu: Hi Takumi
Takumi: ...
Karu: um I said hello you rude bastard
Takumi: Yeah I heard you. What do you want?
Karu: I would like to chat with you.
Takumi: too busy for that shit
Takumi: I'm training. Isn't it obvious?
Karu: Yes. But it'd be nice if you weren't a dick and tried to get to know me.
Takumi: yeah well too bad for you I'm an asshole
Takumi: Should I trust you? Yes. Do I trust you? No.
Karu: But we have an enemy in common, or did you forget?
Takumi: No, I didn't. But you grew up with Nohr. I didn't.
Karu: How about you train me on the bow so we can get to know each other?
Takumi: What's the point?
Karu: Will you just...
Takumi: Fine. I'll do it. But you get one shot and if you blow it, I'm done.
Karu: Okay. I won't disappoint you.
Takumi: Hmph. We'll see.

let's go to chapter eleven

Karu: I see smoke
Kaze: It's just my brother
Karu: What does he want?
Kaze: Nothing, just means he's fighting a lot of people.
Karu: Then we should go help!
Kaze: No that's not an SOS signal. That's a "gtfo" signal. Which means we need to gtfo of here.
Karu: But he's your brother!
Kaze: Yeah well shit happens.
Karu: Nope, we're going in.
Kaze: are you mad?
Karu: No. But I'm not going to not help someone in need.
Kaze: Well if you insist...

Karu: wow look at all these trees
Sakura: fuck these trees they're scary!
Takumi: hold my hand if you need to
Sakura: /clings to ur leg
Takumi: or that idc really
Sakura: ty
Takumi: we're fucking lost
Takumi: good thing I watched a lot of Bear Grylls. We may have to drink our own piss to get out of here
Kaze: Look out! /blocks
Takumi: wtf did a ninja try to kill me?!
Kaze: fucking Mokushujin
Takumi: WHY ARE THEY ATTACKING?!
Kaze: That was only a scout. That means more are coming. See, they throw shuriken and hope it hits something, and when they discover it's hit a person they attack.
Takumi: fucking idiots.

Kotaro: Look at these noobs. They fell for my obvious trap. GJ.
Kagero: go fuck yourself with a kodachi why the hell did you even take me prisoner we're allies!
Kotaro: I guess you missed the memo
Kotaro: I've decided to suck King Garon's D and now we are allies. I have the bruises on my tonsils to prove it! And then you guys will be crushed and I will laugh evilly.
Kotaro: I will be a true king!
Kagero: You can't be a king if you keep kneeling down and /makes blowjob motion
Kotaro: HOW DARE YOU
Kotaro: I should kill you.
Kagero: I'm prepared to die for my missions. I should've been a Gundam pilot, honestly.

Saizo: do you see a hot ninja lady yet?
Orochi: nope not yet
Saizo: well fuck my life
Reina: look at all these fucking trees!

Axe Tiddies
Kagero: Look if I don't bust my way out of here soon the fandom will whine about how I'm a stupid faux action girl who's not worthy of her vagina because this is the third time I've been captured

Little Princess
goddammit Saizo stop moving so I Can talk to you

Karu: Are you okay?
Saizo: the fuck are you doing here?
Karu: We came to help you ungrateful fuck
Saizo: yeah except I spelled KEEP THE FUCK AWAY in smoke it wasn't an SOS
Karu: yeah that's what Kaze said but I won't abandon you
Saizo: you would risk your life for me?
Saizo: okay. I understand. You're not a terrible person, because you wouldn't be here otherwise. Let's fight together.

Kotaro: I WILL BE THE KING
Kaze: /kills his 3hp ass
Kotaro: NOOOOO

Archer: /fires at Reina, misses
Reina: lol /OHKO
terrible archer if he can't hit a fucking BIG FLYING PONY

Kagero: the fuck are you doing here, Lady Karu? Last I heard you betrayed Lord Ryoma!
Sakura: those were a bunch of lies, Karu isn't a bad person and if you need proof...
Sakura: I'm here and so is Takumi. Even Saizo, and he doesn't trust anyone.
Kagero: Well okay then I'm sorry for misjudging you, Lady Karu.
Saizo: are you okay?
Kagero: why is everyone here? All these people for one ninja? I'm insulted.

Karu/Takumi B support

Axe Tiddies
Azura: We need to be sure you didn't lose any limbs or fingers, we need you at your best so you can kill things for us.
Kagero: As you can see, I didn't. However, some jackoff peed in a cup and threw it at us.

Little Princess
Takumi: Karu, your arm is too low. Raise is three degrees. And then bend your right knee six. And don't look at anything but the target!
Karu: will you give me a moment
Takumi: who was it who asked for me to train them, hmm? Don't complain now.
Karu: I wasn't complaining, asshole.
Takumi: Well okay I guess we can take a break for now.
Karu: Archery is harder than I thought.
Takumi: well you're an idiot for thinking it was easy.
Karu: well you make it look easy.
Takumi: don't be a smart ass.
Karu: I'm not. You just make it look effortless. Then I pick up a bow and realise it's not. But I have improved some if I can see all of that.
Takumi: yeah I'll admit it. But you have a very long way to go!
Karu: so then let's stop talking and let's get back to training.
Takumi: Okay, get back into posiition.
Karu: /cuts herself on the bowstring/ well fuck me in the ass sideways on a boat.
Takumi: What happened?
Karu: fuck. I'm bleeding.
Takumi: Is it bad?
Karu: it's just a flesh wound calm down.
Takumi: let me see. Nope. Nope you are done for the day. Yep.
Karu: it's just a flesh wound nbd I'll be fine just bandage it up and--
Takumi: Nope. Let me get a vulnerary.
Takumi: Besides, we'll have other practise sessions.
Karu: ...do you mean that?
Takumi: Yup!
Karu: Let me find Sakura or Jakob, I need a bandaid. I hear we have Hello Kitty ones in stock.
Takumi: ...maybe I pushed her too hard.

Kaze keeps wanting to watch me play the piano
Kaze: Play my piano, milady...
Karu: Man I get around.

Karu: wtf the sea is frozen
Jakob: Oh dear. I hope this doesn't end like the Titantic.
Jakob: ...is that Lady Camilla?
Camilla: my darling Karu!
Karu: Camilla...
Camilla: And you're still as cute as ever!
Camilla: But you have to stop thinking of me as your sister. It'll be easier when we fight if we don't.
Karu: Can't you see that I am trying to do good for BOTH kingdoms?
Camilla: I know, and I agree, but Father told me to kill you, and really, I don't want to...but I can't disobey Father, as you know. But since you obeyed Nohr, there's no choice.
Karu: But I haven't betrayed anyone!
Camilla: Flora, would you be so kind?
Karu: wtf
Flora: sorry, Lady Karu, but I have no choice either.
Jakob: so you're the asshole who froze the sea.
Flora: Yes. King Garon has demanded that the Ice Tribe eliminate Karu. No hard feelings but he will kill my whole tribe if I don't.
Jakob: But you are Lady Karu's retainer!
Flora: Yes but my tribe is more important.
Jakob: I am agog, I am aghast!
Camilla: I love you too much to let you betray us like this. This is why I will end your life with my own hands. Come to me, Karu. Let me hear your last words...
Karu: o_O;
Camilla: I'll remember them forever, my beloved little sister.

oh my god there is no way to get off the boat unless you're Subaki

YOU HAVE TO BASICALLY WAIT FIVE TURNS

oh my god

Beruka: I'm here to kill everyone.
Karu: /takes half her health
Takumi: /takes the other half
Beruka: That did not go as planned.

it was only fitting that Jakob kill Flora

Camilla: You won, darling Karu. Now kill me.
Karu: Uhm. No.
Selena: We can just retreat and try again.
Beruka: You can't give up that easy!
Camilla: You know that my father will kill us.
Camilla: I would rather the last thing I see be Karu's face than hear my father have one of his fits... Please, Karu.
Karu: Are you sure? You're willing to let me kill you?
Camilla: Go on, darling. It's okay.
Karu: Okay. In that case, you're coming with me.
Camilla: As a prisoner?
Takumi: are you daft, Karu?!
Takumi: they just tried to kill you!
Karu: if you'll recall you tried to kill me a few times so I mean... Not to mention she's my sister. I can't kill her.
Karu: She'll be safer with us. Our real enemy isn't with Hoshido or Nohr.
Camilla: what's this about another enemy?
Karu: let's not talk about this here okay but I can assure you I'm fighting to end this.

Flora: wtf your sword is glowing!
Camilla: I remember this look. It's the "don't fuck with me I'm too stubborn to change my mind" look. I'll fight for you. idk what's happening but I will fight for you.
Camilla: After all you're my little sister.
Karu: Thank you, big sister.

Selena: well that's that then. Come on, Beruka.
Beruka: huh?
Selena: If Camilla is going then we are too remember?
Beruka: oh okay sorry I wasn't paying attention since the fucking sea is still frozen and all
Selena: we're right here, Lady Karu.
Karu: Cool beans.

Karu: What about you, Flora?
Flora: sorry but my tribe will probably die now, I need to go back to them.
Karu: isn't that dangerous?
Flora: nah they're all hiding in an igloo it's fine
Flora: I'll find them and hide out, stay low from Nohr for a bit. So. Goodbye and all that. Go be a hero so we can return home safe.
Karu: no pressure or anything
Flora: no you'll be fine, your sword glows with an awesome power, my people have told me of this happening and it means the person wielding it will save the world.
Flora: therefore you are the hero yes?
Karu: well I don't know about that but okay if you say so
Flora: btw do you know about dragons?
Karu: no but Izama said something about dragons before he died
Flora: well I can't help you at all, I'm sorry.
Karu: that's the answer everyone is giving me. Well godspeed and all that

Karu: I hope they'll be okay.
Camilla: I'm sure they can build a gigantic igloo like you did when you were just a wee tot.
Karu: wow that takes me back. No one knew where I was. It was a mess.
Camilla: Xander was very frantic, made Leo look under every rock... Elise just giggled the whole time. But I knew where you were, my darling Karu.
Karu: I missed talking to you.
Camilla: I was thinking the same thing. That and how much of a hero you are.
Karu: don't tell me you believe that.
Camilla: I do! You saved my life back there. I believe in you.
Camilla: However I doubt anyone else trusts me right now... Did you know it's the Hoshidan way to eavesdrop?
Sakura: well fuck
Takumi: /coughs up a hairball
Azura: Oops.
Karu: ffs guys
Camilla: Wait. Are you the Azura who was kidnapped?
Azura: do you know of any others?
Camilla: No. I remember you. Sort of. And iirc Nohrian nobles treated you like shit.
Karu: what? why?

Axe Tiddies
Azura: Because I was different. I even have an angsty embarrassing scar from when they accidentally stabbed me while they were bullying me

Little Princess
Camilla: because her mother was Father's second wife. They preferred his first one more...including my own mother. She told me to avoid Azura. Of course Xander was told to avoid her too.

well that explains Camilla's different hair colour.

Camilla: And when Leo was born he was told the same. And we obeyed, because we would be forced to read Father's terrible smut fanfiction.
Camilla: But we secretly wanted to spend time with you. We never forgot about our adorable sister...
Azura: well that makes me feel a little better about myself.
Takumi: you shouldn't trust her so easily.
Azura: gods sakes, Takumi.
Camilla: no he's right, you should be suspicious of me. But if I killed you, Karu would cry, and I hate it when she cries.
Camilla: Though if Karu told me to take any of you out, I would also do that too. I enjoy making Karu happy.
Karu: Camilla!
Camilla: Ah, right, they are unfamiliar with Nohrian humour.

I am conflicted between marrying Takumi and marrying Leo

I have Karu/Takumi A support now...

Takumi: What are you doing with that bow? Your hand isn't healed yet!
Karu: I'm not practising. I'm using it as a dildo, do you mind? I can't practise so I want to try something new...
Takumi: When I said "be in love with the bow" I didn't mean that... You're really getting into this, aren't you?
Karu: Yes. You're a good teacher. You make the bow sexy.
Karu: I just hope I'm not wasting your time.
Takumi: You're not.
Karu: Really?
Takumi: You're really talented, actually. I...need to apologise. I've seen how dedicated you are. Forgive my doubting you.
Takumi: I will gladly continue our training.
Karu: Thank you.
Takumi: You're welcome. Oh and if you're gonna use the bow like that, take this lube. And also this salve. It'll help with your hand.
Karu: Great! I've been dying to get back to work with you.
Takumi: Me too.

I should probably stop for the night

I got Saizo and Sakura's C support

Saizo: How will I ever look your brother in the eye again if something happened to you?
Sakura: /giggles
Saizo: What?
Sakura: You won't have to worry about that if you're dead...

If you wanna see these liveplurk FE Fates commentaries as they happen, come over to my plurk and shoot me a friend request! Otherwise you'll get the logs once the fun is over and I edit and post them here. Plus you can comment on them as they happen.

 
 
 
 
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toucher of sleeping cats: Sakura[personal profile] sarajayechan on March 15th, 2016 03:42 am (UTC)
SAIZO/SAKURA C RANK :D Their B and A are hilarious too...and they're a cute ship and Sakura makes Asugi look like Gaius Jr. /bias

Takumi the kitty might become my new favorite thing. XP
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